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(*Disclaimer: This post is long and boring. Read at your own risk. Also, it has too much information in it, kind of a venting thing. And no mom, I'm not depressed.)

Other than my fun visit with my friend, it's been kind of a tough week. After several weeks of steady weight loss, I've kind of plateaued the last few weeks, which is frustrating because I'm still working hard at it and have a long way to go. However, this morning the scale did budge in the right direction, so I'm happy about that.

I finished "The Host". I did end up liking it overall, although I found the first half very hard to get into. Now onto another "The H---" book. This time, we're going to try "The Help".

The last few weeks have also brought me some concerns about one of my children. There has been some behavior (especially at school) that is not ideal and I'm having a hard time finding solutions. Parenting is hard. We are working on some things there too. Part of the problem is that I think the teacher has a bit of a bias against her, and another part of the problem is that the same teacher keeps putting her with someone who she has not been getting along with well. I don't know if she's trying to teach them something or what, but I finally just told the teacher she really needs to separate them. Why send a note home saying that my child kicked another child, or lied to another child, or argued with another child, or lied and said she had diarrhea so she could come home because she didn't want the other child "in her face"? Just separate the "other child" (yes, always the same one) and let these girls make other friends. Obviously they are like oil and water and should not be sitting next to each other, in the same field trip group, etc. Am I wrong here? Yes, I want her to learn to get along with other people, but if this is a constant battle with these kids while they should be learning, why not eliminate the temptation that is obviously there with these girls to get on each other's nerves? I can work with it on my end but it might be helpful if the teacher would throw me a bone here.

Finally, I got my test results last night, and I did not pass. It's hard to put into words how I feel about it, after putting all this time and effort into it. On the objective portion (grammar, medical terminology, anatomy etc.) I got 98%. On the practicum (typing 8 reports) I got 83%. In order to pass the class, you have to get 85% in both sections.

Technically, I can take it again (up to 3 times). However, my course expired yesterday just about the same time my test results came in (interesting timing, wouldn't you say?) and to extend it to try again I'd have to pay them and honestly I don't feel like putting another penny into this thing. Then again, I don't want to come this far and not pass either.

A couple of things: First, the things I missed are things I'd most likely miss again. They are words that I clearly could not understand and did not have the ESP to create. One was an acronym that I could not find anywhere in any of my resources. Since it was in the report a couple of times (2 points for each time I missed it), just that one error would have given me a pass. I can't honestly say there were any "dumb" mistakes, it was just that I literally could not tell what they were saying. If I can't tell now, how am I going to tell on the job?

Second, while I was waiting for results, I read a lot of MT forums online. It seems like all I read was how hard it is to find a job right now, and how little money I am going to make. I did know about the money aspect, but the incentive to work from home and not have to worry about a wardrobe, fuel costs, daycare, etc. made it worth it to make a lower wage for awhile. It was a bit hard to swallow since I really haven't made that little probably since college, but I figured as I worked hard and got faster I'd eventually get up to close to where I am now. Then I'm hearing about good, experienced transcriptionists having a hard time finding work and maxing out at less than what I am making now, kind of makes it hard to feel the incentive to try again.

(If you are wondering why I don't just stick with my current job, that's because it's not going to last forever. Before too long, K's husband will be retiring and won't need the amount of help he needs now.)

So right now I'm weighing my pros and cons. Do I pay more money for a class that has eaten up my life for the last 18 months and doesn't have a huge payoff, or do I just try to find a job and move on with life? Do I bust my hiney to pass this test just to turn around and try to compete for a job that is going to be hard to get and pay me what I made in college 15 years ago? These are the things I'm contemplating and praying about. I'm going to give it a few weeks, put the feelers out there for something else, and if I really feel like I should finish it after all, I will extend and have until the end of December to pass the test. Hmmm.

In positive news, I am really looking forward to conference this weekend. One of my favorite weekends of the year, and the weather is supposed to be horrible so it will be nice to just stay home and curl up in a blanket and watch it. I think I'll get all my cleaning done today so I can just be lazy all weekend and be edified by conference - and hopefully find answers to my dilemmas.