The "Too Much Information" post

If you are squeamish...well, this might not be the post for you. It's breast cancer awareness month and we're going to talk about breasts!

So, we approach puberty and start growing these things, and they are kind of cool at first. Makes you feel grown up, and cute, and attractive....all that stuff. Then you become an adult, and they basically serve two purposes: pleasure in a sexual relationship, and feeding of children.

Mine never worked for the second purpose, which is in my opinion the main reason for them in the first place. When I had Morgan, I never had milk come in. We tried all the little tricks, and it was a nightmare. Stressful, difficult for both of us, so hard to make the decision to stop trying to make it work....you know the drill. When Elise came along, once again I tried to nurse, but when there was no milk a couple of weeks in, I didn't stress over it too much. My grandma told me that she never got milk in either (and she had 7 children!) so I just chalked it up to some weird family trait, fed my kids Enfamil, and moved on. As for Ashlyn, I was unconscious or almost-unconscious for the first several days of her life. They tried to pump me, weren't getting anything, and finally my mom (thanks mom!) stood up for me and told them to leave me alone.

When we moved to Louisiana and I went for my first gyno appointment, my doc said she likes to do a baseline mammogram at age 35, which is exactly how old I was at the time, so I went in and did the fun smash test. It was not pleasant, but bearable, doc said if everything was clear, I wouldn't have to have another one until age 40....which is what I was planning on.

Then, I got a phone call from the nurse at Dr. R's office saying that there was a mass in one breast and I needed to go in for an ultrasound.

This started my pattern for the last 3 years: mammogram once a year, ultrasound once a year (6 months apart, so I have one test or the other every 6 months). Whatever is there, they don't believe is cancer. It's "something". Doesn't seem to be growing or changing, is not palpable. I've asked what it is - a cyst? They don't know. Just "something they want to watch."

So, moved to Michigan and was due in August for another mammo. They didn't want to do it because here they don't do them until age 40 unless they can feel something...which they can't for me. After speaking to my doctor about how I'd really like to stay on top of this despite the displeasure of the mammogram itself, I got the green light and made the appointment for mid-September.

Okay, this is what is funny about a mammogram: the nice technicians always try to make small talk with you while you are smashed into the most unnatural positions you could think of. This tech was super nice, but she's asking me all about my move, why we came here, where we're from, how many kids I have, etc. and I'm just thinking, "Let me out of this thing and let me run away from here! You seem like a nice person and all but I don't want to be friends!!"

She took two films on each side, then looked at them and said, "I think I need to get a few more images on the right side." Uh oh. Don't like the sounds of that. She said she wanted to get up under the arm better, so I was squeezed into a more awkward pose than ever while she took a few more films. Finally, done. She said the radiologist would look at the films that weekend and I should hear something the next week.

A while later, I got a letter saying there was a mass and they want to compare the films with what I had done in Louisiana. So they ordered those images, and said if I don't hear from them about further need for testing by October 18th to call them and see what they've decided.

Haven't heard anything back yet, but this is such a nerve-wracking experience. I just want them gone. We already know that I can't have more children and even if I could, I would not be able to feed them, so that leaves me with one reason for having them, and hopefully my husband can find enough about the rest of me to like that he wouldn't miss them either. It's unlikely that they are going anywhere because there is not a medical need, but really, if I would have known I'd survive Ashlyn's delivery, I would have just had them do it all: hysterectomy, double mastectomy, appendectomy, and liposuction while they are at it. Don't need any of those things!

Anyway, this being breast cancer awareness month, I just want to say - do your self exams, even though mine have never caught anything. Have your mammograms even though they stink. Give money where you can for cancer research. Give support and love to those battling the disease. Pray for a cure!

This morning I attended a funeral for someone who I'd never met. We were asked to accompany a musical number for it, which is why we were there. This was a young mom (not yet 32 years old) with a baby less than a year old. She died of cancer. Not breast cancer, but still that nasty "c" word. It's wrong for a baby to have to grow up without a mom like that. This is an evil disease and we should do all we can to stop it.

We miss those in our family and friends who have battled this disease and lost, and we continue to pray for those who we love who have battled or are currently battling and kicking cancer in the butt!