Okay, I just have to comment about Bristol Palin's appearance on tv this morning. For those who didn't see it, she has become a spokesperson for Candy in their abstinence campaign (there's a whole other issue there about why she would be any more credible or "celebrity" than any other teen mom out there, but whatever).
I obviously have no problem with the abstinence message, wish everyone would choose that, agree 100% that it's the only way to protect yourself from STD's, pregnancy, and emotional issues that go with too-early sexual activity, etc. etc. The fact that Bristol pretty much ignored that message until now is pretty typical of teenagers anyway - they KNOW they shouldn't do it, and SAY they shouldn't do it, but they still do it. I certainly hope that more kids DO choose abstinence as a result of her message, although I think it's unlikely.
This is the part where I wanted to smack the tv: She is a clueless teenage mom, like most teenage moms out there. She talks about how cute the baby is, how she still has to do "chores" at home (HELLO! Welcome to being a mom!! "Chores" would be easy, lol!), how she knew from the moment she found out she was pregnant that she was keeping the baby and never considered an alternative.
Now, let's think about this - there are basically three alternatives when you find out you are pregnant: 1) abort (sad that it's even an option); 2) place for adoption; 3) keep the baby and marry the father, or raise the baby by yourself....or more likely have your mom raise the baby while you finish growing up.
My opinion, you can agree or disagree, is that almost no teenager on the planet is truly giving the child the best life by keeping the baby. What a perfect opportunity to say, "Gee, I messed up, and now a baby is coming. What is the best way I can heal my own life and bless the life of someone else in the meantime?" The answer to that is adoption. The fact that more girls in this situation don't consider it and instead think they are doing the noble thing by keeping the baby makes me really sad.
There are exceptions of course, I'm sure everyone out there knows at least one teenage mom who made it work, finished her education, and gave her child the best life possible. It happens. But somewhere out there, there is a couple who wants to parent a child and is unable to do so, and is at a stage where they are much more ready to do this than almost any teenager out there is, even with family support.
Consider adoption. Don't make it sound like it's a bad thing to CONSIDER it. Adoption is a selfless choice.
Stepping off my soapbox now.
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4 comments:
Well said! I too was floored when Candy was describing her so called "life with baby". How do we stress to the world that a two parent/loving home would be the most logical and stable for a child?? Not to mention most positive? Love your kids pictures!!
You know me but I'm posting this anonymously. Adoption is selfless. Adoption is hard. And here's the kicker - there is almost no social support for adoption after the fact. My daughter gave a baby up for adoption. She was still in high school, we all agreed that it was the best thing to do (including her). It was what she wanted to do. This was over ten years ago.
She no longer tells people, ever, that she had a baby she gave up for adoption. She used to, on occasion, but all she ever got in return is criticism. Responses like:
1. No "real woman" could ever surrender her baby.
2. She must be a terrible person to be able to give her baby away.
3. Why didn't you just have an abortion?
And this is from people she considered CLOSE FRIENDS. From members of OUR OWN FAMILY.
When you keep your baby, you get support and love and attention. And you get to keep the baby! When you give the baby up, you're judged, and harshly. Much more harshly than if you keep the baby.
Yes, it's way better for the baby. But it totally sucks for the mom. There are a lot of societal changes needed before it becomes "acceptable" to give up your baby.
Anonymous, you make an incredibly important point that is too often overlooked. Thanks for bringing it up, though it must be painful for your daughter and you.
Angie, this is another situation where people need to be informed of ALL options and then given the opportunity to choose without judgment. That doesn't happen often enough, esp the non-judgment. (Other situations I think of: fetal birth defects, IVF, etc.)
Anon, yes I know you and love you. You make great points (as always, lol!). Your point about society not accepting adoption is exactly my point - we still act like keeping a baby you are not ready for is somehow the more noble thing to do, when it is NOT. "Oh, poor girl, single mom, how does she do it?" as if these girls should be sainted. I'm just so bugged by it when I see girl after girl keeping these babies when there are so many people out there who are better fitted at this time for parenthood. I just want to go give every birth mother a hug and say, "thanks for thinking about your child first". Again, adoption is a selfless and hard thing to do. Placing a baby for adoption is NOT the easy way out.
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